A Mother Reincarnated
Motherhood was not a choice. It was an accident. Twice. I'll be the first to admit that if it wasn't already obvious considering I'm a 28-year-old mother of a 7-year-old. The math on that one ain't too complicated. But once I became a mother, I was all in. Also not by choice. I was in a really tumultuous marriage and fully investing in my role as Mom was my only solace. Friends and family were shut out; working out of the home was frowned upon; Farmville felt very interesting at the time. Without going into too many gritty details, being a Mom was all I had going for me.
About three years into all of that, it became unbearable and a little voice inside of me said "Speak out."
So I created MamaHive, a place to feel more like a human and less like a mom. I was talking to other adults about the misery that parenthood can create without overtly coming out and saying "PLEASE GOD SOMEONE SAVE ME!". I was so deep in denial of the hell hole I lived within, I didn't even recognize that project as a cry for help. While I didn't initially start MamaHive as a method of becoming more myself, it became a vehicle for exactly that.
The moderate success of that website gained some proper attention, allowing me to start my own little company managing social media for a collection of luxury hotels. Made a name for myself, got a full-time gig with the company and worked my way up through three promotions in 18 months. The sudden lurch into productivity and real adult life with other adults (offices, deadlines, inside jokes, lunch breaks - that type of adult life) was intoxicating.
#upwardalways - it became a mantra, a fixture of every day thought that carried me through depression, self-doubt, anxiety and panic attacks, dismay, and damn near suicide. When the lights turned off inside, this one phrase was the beacon of hope I clawed at like a chained animal.
Unsurprisingly, my marriage ended in divorce. Yet, my unrelenting need to speak out was steadfast and ever present. MamaHive was no longer serving a purpose; as a person, I had developed into a multifaceted human rich with opportunity, no longer held to the title of Mother but instead truly capable of every single thing I went after.
Suddenly, I felt reincarnated. This need to connect with other parents morphed into this desire to teach other women to push past self-imposed boundaries, exalting themselves as capable human beings without the need to apologize for being great at something. Great at everything, damn it.
Once the switch is flipped from doubt to doubtless, unguided to focused, afraid to unapologetic, the real magic happens.
While I could regret every decision that I made that dug me into the misery that was my early and mid-twenties, I don't. It would be impossible to be so self assured if I hadn't at some point be so...just not.
Acting as the ambassador for #upwardalways comes easily. And sharing the possibility and power of this mindset is my life's goal.
Real Support for Real Women with Real Ambition and everything that mission statement encapsulates will be my legacy.